Secret postings

So I had to come here to write. And I think I might, more often.

But I don't want to advertise. As much as I like people reading my stuff, there are all these cynics out there. I use my Twitter, Facebook and blogs to show how I feel. Or at least I used to a lot more. But I realize sometimes my feelings are too strong and I come off as a constantly depressed child if I can't write things out properly. That isn't me. I am not entirely depressed, nor a child. I am not really looking for attention, but the writings I do - even a tweet, are meant for my sanity. If I keep things bottled up for so long I will explode sooner or later. I know because it has happened in the past.

I have the mildly successful Dobs Love Army website, but I can't write this stuff on there. A bunch of people read it and its not "love" material. Sometimes its the complete opposite of that.

I'm sitting in my dorm room here at Stony Brook. Its the final semester. March 10th. About six weeks in, eight or so to go. It's my fifth year in college. I have stopped caring long ago.

Could it be that I believe that this education is not needed for what I want to do? Not exactly. I think I stuck it out for my parent's own good, as well as my own. I knew its better to have a degree than to be on the road, poor and no education.

Most people get to the senioritis stage near their last semester (usually during forth year of school). But that happened to me 3rd semester here at Stony Brook - what should have been my "senior" year.

Now the classes I am taking are senior classes, including a project for the journalism major that I really can't care too much about. And a lot of due dates are on the way. I can't seem to focus.

I have tours to book, shows to play, parties to go to. Those are some things that you can argue I don't need - but without them I am a dead man. They are big parts of my own sanity.

You see, I run an interesting life. I can't do things without being stressed. But I may have gotten over my own head on this one. I have done things so relaxed so far that I don't remember how to actually study. I have bands to call - and I will get in touch with them before I do work. Then I struggle in the end. My priorities are messed up.

As this week quickly passes by, I have a test to hand in Monday, a big mid-term Tuesday and a huge update on senior project on Tuesday night as well. I have two shows to play this weekend. Sans one guitarist.

Health is also a huge topic in my little brain. I have recently begun eating a lot more then normal and at weird times. I am usually rushed so I overeat. And now I am on the path for a weight problem. I want to work out, but I get nervous around people. I want to run, walk, whatever. As the Spring gets closer I hope to try those things again. And really stick with them. But again...I get sidetracked. I will explore this in a later blog.

Thanks for listening, if anyone still is on this particular blog.

Maybe one day I will talk about the romantic end of my life too. But that is a novel in itself.